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English Jokes
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| Immortal_danik | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 09:31 | Message # 1 |
 Generalissimo
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 8
Status: Offline
| Hi there! I want all of you to attend on this "chat" and write here some jokes in English))) Moreover, feel free to write me PM if you have suggestions. The first joke is mine)) A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?" What do you think of it? Leave your comments)))
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
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| 2Sexy4ThisSite | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:04 | Message # 2 |
 Final Villain
Group: Друзья
Messages: 2
Status: Offline
| Sherlock Holmes and his friend Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said,
"Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Music is My Power
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| NEglupaYA | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:04 | Message # 3 |
 Deputy Editor
Group: Модераторы
Messages: 3
Status: Offline
| "But why," demanded the puzzled judge of the burglar standing before, "did you break into the same store three nights running?"
"Well, Judge, it's like this," was the reply. "I picked out a dress for my wife and I had to change it twice." 
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| NEglupaYA | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:06 | Message # 4 |
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Deputy Editor
Group: Модераторы
Messages: 3
Status: Offline
| A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? 
Dentist: Wear a brown tie! 
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| Immortal_danik | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:06 | Message # 5 |
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Generalissimo
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 8
Status: Offline
| Well done))) here it is another one Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient: What problem?
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
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| NEglupaYA | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:07 | Message # 6 |
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Deputy Editor
Group: Модераторы
Messages: 3
Status: Offline
| Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? 
Doctor: A shoebox. 
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| Immortal_danik | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:08 | Message # 7 |
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Generalissimo
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 8
Status: Offline
| I love English humour))) A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
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| Miranessa | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 10:30 | Message # 8 |
 Queen
Group: Проверенные
Messages: 1
Status: Offline
| On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!" 
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| Oreshka | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 11:19 | Message # 9 |
 Polkovnik
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 2
Status: Offline
| The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." 
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| Oreshka | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 11:20 | Message # 10 |
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Polkovnik
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 2
Status: Offline
| Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
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| Immortal_danik | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 16:37 | Message # 11 |
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Generalissimo
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 8
Status: Offline
| Benny is almost 32 years old. All his friends are now married, but Benny just dates and dates.
Finally, his friend asks him, "What's the matter, Benny? Are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you really that fussy? Surely you can find someone who suits you?"
"No I just can’t," Benny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "why don't you find a girl who's just like your mother?"
Many weeks go by and again Benny and his friend get together.
"So, have you found the perfect girl? One that's just like your mother?"
Benny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start and they have become good friends."
"So, do I owe you a Mazel Tov? Are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I'm afraid not. My father can't stand her!" 
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
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| Immortal_danik | Date: Wednesday, 13.10.2010, 10:05 | Message # 12 |
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Generalissimo
Group: Администраторы
Messages: 8
Status: Offline
| For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now…"
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
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| bombardo | Date: Thursday, 28.10.2010, 15:18 | Message # 13 |
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Рядовой
Group: Пользователи
Messages: 2
Status: Offline
| sorry for my style.....
.... english humor.....
Holms ask Berimor.
-Berimor , What squelch in my boot?
- oatmeal porridge, sir
-Berimor , What is a oatmeal porridge in my boot do?
-squelch, sir. ... and last question. Who can translate this poem. Its good for you
Its good for me
Me under you
You over me This poem was translated by me. Please translate this poem. You can send answer to x3rror@gmail.com. I will tell you answer and right translation.
Message edited by bombardo - Thursday, 28.10.2010, 15:20 |
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